Blogarama, The Blog Directory, offers this list of the Top Ten Mistakes to Avoid When Blogging. I'm sure The Blogfather has mentioned all of these at some time or another, but here they are, all gathered together in one place, so we can ignore them as a group, instead of one at a time.
You don't need to go very far down the list, in fact you won't get past the first item, before you find the one I'm most guilty of: having no theme to your blog. I don't believe I have a theme to my blog. Do you guys think I have a theme to my blog? If someone out there feels that they can pin point a theme to my blog, please let me know.
Although...check out number four on the list: don't stray too far from your blog's theme. If you do manage to come up with a theme for my blog, I'm going to have to start worrying about that one. And number eight: Using too much insider or regional talk; I may be somewhat guilty of that one, eh?
A few of those rules, however, seem to me to fall into the category of DUH! I mean, posting libelous material on your blog, doesn't that kind of go without saying? And unexplained time gaps in your blog? I have recently removed several blogs from my bloglines subscription because they haven't been updated in months. If their writers return, they will find their readership dramatically compromised, much like the inevitible consequences of the NHL lock-out. People will just find something else to watch, or in our case, read.
Of course, trying to avoid those unexplained time gaps commonly results in pointless posts, like this one. Don't you think that should be somewhere on the list?
Sunday, February 27, 2005
We all make mistakes
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Weekend assignment #12?
(John says:)
So, you ask, how did we get from Weekend Assignment #48 to Weekend Assignment #12? Well, seems like I skipped #12 at some point (probably around the 12th week of the assignments, I'd wager). And needless to say, we can't have that. So: It's Weekend Assignment #12! And all is right again with the world.
And since we're going back in time a bit to do Weekend Assignment #12, I thought we'd expand on that there:
Weekend Assignment #12: Thanks to time travel and invisibility, you can be on the spot for any important event of the last 100 years (1905 onward). Which important historical event do you choose? As a twist, if you actually were at an important historical event, you can't pick that one. Why? Because you were there already. What, you want to be there twice? Think of the paradox!
Extra Credit: Think of a piece of now-dated slang that should be brought back into circulation. Make it reasonably clean slang, please.
John has got me thinking about landmark events. The twentieth century was full of them. Just think, in 1903, the Wright brothers made the world's first powered, manned, sustained flight. (Interesting that they had to cram three different modifiers in there to justify using the word 'first.') In 1905, Albert Einstein published his Theory of Relativity, thereby giving high school science teachers easy fodder for future messing with the heads of their students. In 1941, penicillin was first used in the treatment of human beings, extending the careers of hundreds of thousands of prostitutes. The list goes on and on.
Frankly, I really cannot see myself being all that excited by the prospect of being a fly on the wall at any big twentieth century events. I am far more interested in the idea of witnessing the crucifixion of Christ, or the Trojan War, or a Byzantine chariot race (go Scortius!) We already know virtually everything there is to know about the previous century. Although...I wouldn't mind sitting in on the strategy meeting in which Orville and Wilbur's spin doctors worked out exactly how they were going to claim primacy in the flight thing.
What John has done, however, is send my mind spiralling off down the coils of history, looking for significant events. Maybe not 'giant leap for mankind' significant, but 'small step for man' significant. I came up with a series of important dates in the development of Twentieth Century Man.
How many times did the good wife of the first decade of the 1900s have to listen to her man say, "damnit, woman, you've let the ice all melt, and now my beer's warm again?" Alas, some questions have no answers. Many have solutions, though. In 1913, the first electric home refrigerator was introduced. Many people never saw the benefit of light bulbs over candles, but here...here was something they could get their heads around. Cold beer, even on weekends. It may not be clear to all, but the development of the electric fridge also led directly to the creation of Sam's Club.
Unfortunately, man had only six short years in which to enjoy the cold beer from his new appliance. In 1919, prohibition was ratified, and he was left scratching his head, wondering what the heck that confangled new technology icebox was good for anyway. Man was forced to sneak down dark alleys, through locked and guarded doorways to get a beer after work. In doing so, he was subjected to all kinds of horrible experiences, like cigars, gambling, and dancing girls. Oh, the humanity!
Life proceeded apace for several years before technology once again raised its angelic head into man's living room. In 1927, television was invented, and very shortly afterwards, the rerun. In 1933, prohibition was repealed, and two great things came together in living rooms across America. It was also about this time that the white, sleeveless undershirt appeared on the scene, an event for which Marlon Brando was eternally grateful.
Only three short years after the end of prohibition, the Anheuser-Busch brewery introduced Budweiser. For many American men, 1936 is a year seared into their memory. Actually, it is seared into somewhere else. Bud farts are the worst!
Nineteen thirty-nine is a year of revolution in the American household. That summer saw the first ever televised sporting event, a college baseball game between Columbia and Princeton. Six years later, the Boston Red Sox began televising their games with another first: beer commercials. The telecasts were sponsored by New England's Narragansett Beer. The beer has not survived, but the proud tradition they began lives on.
In 1948, the Polaroid camera hit the market, not important to our story, but years later, a young man by the name of Gene Simmons would appreciate it. Our next significant date is 1951, when television became coloured. I could find no truth to the rumour that it took longer to catch on in the southern states. In 1962, another major stride forward was taken with the first ever international satellite television broadcast. Now Americans could annoy the rest of the world with impunity.
All the events described above have led, inexorably to one point. Surely you know what it is. No? Think about it; televised sporting events sponsored by beer companies...
Yes! On January 15, 1967, the first ever Superbowl was played. Man could sit on his dilapidated couch, in his wife beater shirt, one hand wrapped around a cold beer, the other hand down his pants, and say, "Life is good!" The American Male had reached its zenith.
Extra Credit: having not actually completed the work as assigned, I do not see that I qualify for any extra credit, so I am not at all pained to say I would prefer that slang that has fallen out of circulation remain out of circulation. There is always some new stupid expression waiting in the wings. We certainly do not need to resurrect any old stupid expressions.
And that is all I have to say about that. Oh, except one short message for John: (ahem) #34?
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Rock and roll ain't noise pollution
My ten year old son, Matthew, wants to make a mixed CD to play in his room or in his CD Walkman. Last night he sat down to make a list of songs he wants on the CD. This is what he has so far.
He didn't like For Those About To Rock (We Salute You). Said it was too repetetive. I can't wait to see what he comes up with next.
Ten things I've done that yada, yada, yada...
Now, credit where due, it is one of the more original meme ideas I have seen. Everyone who has participated has had at least one eyebrow raising item on their list, and for the most part, I believe you have all done what you have claimed. I must say though, that there have been one or two lists I have seen that seemed to me somewhat, er, exaggerated shall we say.
With that in mind, I herewith present to you my (slightly exaggerated) list of Ten Things I've Done That You Probably Haven't.
1) Tasted the Buffalo style chicken wings in every bar in Buffalo, on the same day.
2) Talked Neil Armstrong out of running for President of the United States.
3) Ordered cat in a restaurant in Kowloon, and had it served to my wife without telling her.
4) Spent a night at Stonehenge hiding from security guards.
5) Water-skied behind a US army patrol boat above the Arctic Circle.
6) Left a cake out in the rain.
7) Turned down an invitation from Spinal Tap to appear onstage with them during the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert at Wembley Stadium.
8) Won a bet with Mark Messier by eating just one.
9) Checked my wife out of the local hospital just before it was locked down due to the SARS epidemic.
10) Started the feud between Britney and X-tina.
Because I am an honest person at heart, I have to tell you that most of that list is an absolute crock. In fact, only one of those items is true. Can you tell which one? The reason I resorted to such an egregious falsification of the facts is that my life is rather more boring than yours. My original list, a truthful list, of ten things I've done that you probably haven't looked like this:
1) uh...
Not exactly riveting entertainment. OK, the truth now...which one of you exaggerated your list?
Monday, February 21, 2005
Beat this!
"That the allele for small fruit is partially dominant to the large fruit allele suggests that the genetic alteration between the two alleles is involved in the regulation of floral development, ultimately determining carpel number."
Best. Silly. Meme. Response. Evar!
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Astrology: hit or myth?
Richard Rockley writes the blog Skeptico. His most recent essay discusses astrology, and he cites no less than 37 scientific trials attempting to demonstrate the validity of the practice, including these two:
"In 1979 Michel Gauquelin put an advertisement in Ici-Paris offering a free horoscope. Recipients were asked to reply saying how accurate they and their friends found the horoscope. Of the first 150 replies, 94% percent said it was accurate as did 90% of their friends and family. Unfortunately, they all got the same horoscope, that of Dr. Petiot, a notorious mass murderer."
"On June 7, 1989 on American television, James Randi offered $100,000 to any psychic or Astrologer who could prove the truth of their claims. An astrologer who took up the challenge was given the birth information of twelve people and had cast their charts. He interviewed the twelve without knowing who was who and was to identify them by matching them with horoscopes. He got none right."
I quote these two because of their humour, but most of the studies cited are of a serious nature, as are their results, which speak for themselves. Astrology cannot be demonstrated to have any accuracy in describing or predicting an individual's personality traits. I encourage you to visit Richard's blog and read for yourself.
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Figaro, figaro, figaro...
I guess it was bothering him, hanging in his eyes like that, but he wants to grow it long like his thirteen year old cousin, so he didn't want to go to the barber. He took the scissors and trimmed, rather jaggedly, his bangs.
Oh well. This falls, rather firmly, into the he made his own bed, he can lie in it category.
More things.
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Damn you, spyware!
It completely hijacked IE. Every time I opened Internet Explorer, it changed my home page to some search page, and bombarded me with ads. It even went so far as to remove any trace of IE from Windows' add/remove programs screen. I couldn't even un-install it. After spending days trying to track down and quarrantine whatever the heck it was, I gave up and nuked the whole thing. I now have a new clean hard drive partition, and several more hours of work ahead of me.
Also, I added more things to the 100 things about me entry.
Monday, February 14, 2005
Valentine's Day music
Maybe you have a hot date with your girlfriend, or a romantic evening in with your wife planned for tonight. The key to making it successful is atmosphere. Go for subdued lighting; candles are good. Aroma is important. Try a delicate floral potpourri, or make the candles scented. And the third leg of the atmosphere tripod is sound. You must play the right music to set the mood, or to put her in the mood, so to speak. Let me give you my suggestions:There is, of course, value to be found in the classics. I like to start with the old AC/DC standby:
Let me put my love into you, babe
Let me put my love on the line
Let me put my love into you, babe
Let me cut your cake with my knife
Also falling into this category is the Black Sabbath classic:
Lady evil, evil
She’s a magical, mystical woman
Lady evil, evil on my mind
She’s queen of the night
Many prefer a more eclectic selection of music. For them I suggest this offering from Iron Maiden's self titled album:
Charlotte the Harlot show me your legs,
Charlotte the Harlot take me to bed.
Charlotte the Harlot let me see blood,
Charlotte the Harlot let me see love.
Or, from the Number of the Beast album, the far more sophisticated sequel to that song:
Beat her mistreat her do anything that you please
Bite her excite her make her get down on her knees
Abuse her misuse her she can take all that you've got
Caress her molest her she always does what you want
And, finally, always remember the immortal words of David Coverdale, of Whitesnake:
If you don't like it,
Spit it out.
You can thank me later.
