John Scalzi's Weekend assignment: The Fridge

Editor's note: this entry was repaired 1/12/2011. The link to Scalzi's original entry has been disabled, as it no longer goes anywhere.

Weekend Assignment #157: So, what's in your fridge? Be honest. If you include a picture of the current state of the fridge, that'd be nifty.

Extra Credit: What's the oldest thing in the fridge?

Do you ever get the feeling that some Thursdays John looks up at the clock, realises it's after four o'clock in the afternoon, says, "shit! I forgot the weekend assignment again," then runs around the house in a panic trying to think of something - anything - to ask us to do? Ever wonder why he has the occasional assignment designed by his daughter?

Here's how I think it works. Athena is sitting at the kitchen table, colouring a picture of Cthulu eating the current president of the SFWA, when John runs into the room, smacking himself loudly on the top of his bald head, and gibbering incoherently. She puts down her blood red crayon, and regards him calmly.

Athena: You forgot to think of a weekend assignment again, didn't you?

John: Buh, guh, buhruhmuh.

Athena: I don't know why you obsess over something so simple. Just tell them to take a picture of their fridge or something like that. It's not like it has to be smart or anything. You know these people. They'll do anything you say. They're stupid that way.

John: Muh, buh, fuh, fruh...fridge. FRIDGE! Thanks, honey.

John quickly bends down and kisses Athena on the top of her head, and runs back out of the kitchen, waving his arms in the air, shouting, "woo-woo-woo," and sounding absolutely nothing like Daffy Duck. Athena watches him go for a moment, then shakes her head and picks up her slime green crayon. As she inclines her head back down toward the paper on the table, her eyes start to glow, just a little bit. She thoughtfully begins a drawing of Cthulu eating the future president of the SFWA.

Yes, I know that's all just wild speculation, but consider this corroborating evidence. This week John told us to take a picture of our fridge...and I did! I swear, sometimes I think I'm going to be among the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Anyway, click on the picture above for a better view (and labels).

Extra Credit: You can't see it in the picture, but way in the back corner, on the bottom shelf, resides a jar of Tostitos Salsa (medium). Now, I haven't had chips and salsa for a long time. Months. Months and months. Gotta be last summer at least. But there it sits, two thirds empty, gently mocking me.
I reached in - way in - and pulled it out, shook it a bit. Didn't seem to be anything growing on it. I opened it, and waved it under my nose. Smelled like salsa. I couldn't find a best before date anywhere on it. I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.
I put it back where it was and closed the door.

Yeah, one thing I am rather proud of? Nothing in my fridge tastes like ass.

Tags: memes, weekend assignment, there's something altogether creepy about that cute little girl