Friday, March 23, 2007

John Scalzi's Weekend assignment: The Fridge

Editor's note: this entry was repaired 1/12/2011. The link to Scalzi's original entry has been disabled, as it no longer goes anywhere.

Weekend Assignment #157: So, what's in your fridge? Be honest. If you include a picture of the current state of the fridge, that'd be nifty.

Extra Credit: What's the oldest thing in the fridge?

Fridge320x240 Do you ever get the feeling that some Thursdays John looks up at the clock, realises it's after four o'clock in the afternoon, says, "shit! I forgot the weekend assignment again," then runs around the house in a panic trying to think of something - anything - to ask us to do? Ever wonder why he has the occasional assignment designed by his daughter?

Here's how I think it works. Athena is sitting at the kitchen table, colouring a picture of Cthulu eating the current president of the SFWA, when John runs into the room, smacking himself loudly on the top of his bald head, and gibbering incoherently. She puts down her blood red crayon, and regards him calmly.

Athena: You forgot to think of a weekend assignment again, didn't you?

John: Buh, guh, buhruhmuh.

Athena: I don't know why you obsess over something so simple. Just tell them to take a picture of their fridge or something like that. It's not like it has to be smart or anything. You know these people. They'll do anything you say. They're stupid that way.

John: Muh, buh, fuh, fruh...fridge. FRIDGE! Thanks, honey.

John quickly bends down and kisses Athena on the top of her head, and runs back out of the kitchen, waving his arms in the air, shouting, "woo-woo-woo," and sounding absolutely nothing like Daffy Duck. Athena watches him go for a moment, then shakes her head and picks up her slime green crayon. As she inclines her head back down toward the paper on the table, her eyes start to glow, just a little bit. She thoughtfully begins a drawing of Cthulu eating the future president of the SFWA.

Yes, I know that's all just wild speculation, but consider this corroborating evidence. This week John told us to take a picture of our fridge...and I did! I swear, sometimes I think I'm going to be among the first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Anyway, click on the picture above for a better view (and labels).

Extra Credit: You can't see it in the picture, but way in the back corner, on the bottom shelf, resides a jar of Tostitos Salsa (medium). Now, I haven't had chips and salsa for a long time. Months. Months and months. Gotta be last summer at least. But there it sits, two thirds empty, gently mocking me.
I reached in - way in - and pulled it out, shook it a bit. Didn't seem to be anything growing on it. I opened it, and waved it under my nose. Smelled like salsa. I couldn't find a best before date anywhere on it. I don't know if that's a good thing, or a bad thing.
I put it back where it was and closed the door.

Yeah, one thing I am rather proud of? Nothing in my fridge tastes like ass.

13 comments:

simianfarmer said...

I'm glad you clarified about the Grey Poupon.  Ever since Wayne's World it's the first thing anyone thinks of.

Simon

krspkrmmom said...

I love the story about how the weekend assignment came about...that is too funny--and scary.  And the salsa...I'd be afraid of it.  Very afraid.

Annie =)

tenyearnap said...

I'm glad I clicked on that photo...but what are "Tubes"? Man, you have a lot of yummy stuff in your 'fridge. Mine always has a lot of empty space. I'm sending the kid over to your house for supper.--Cin

princesssaurora said...

I love your entry... and of course, she would be drawing cthulu!!!  lol

I love the pic too... your fridge looks like mine, that Scalzi fridge scared me it was so neat!!!

be well,
Dawn

toonguykc said...

I have some ancient salsa in my fridge too.  And some antique salad dressing as well.  You've inspired me to do some purging of these little bottles of botulism.

Russ

mavarin said...

Your speculation is approximately 75 times as entertaining as this particular Weekend Assignment.  By the way (dang, I really shouldn't use that phrase in this context), I used a certain father-daughter online comedy team as the inspiration for my first Ficlet. (http://ficlets.com/stories/1226).  Do you think he's realized this by now? - K.

glendar0812 said...

Your refridgerator is MUCH too neat ... yes, I will say it again, MUCH too neat.

lurkynat said...

Dear Paulo,
(lol!)..uh..well..I did think he should ahve consulted you!
You and Dan! also on the entrya bout the beer!
hugs,nat

anaedream said...

Hahah - Well, the good news is that you'll have company against that wall. :)

Great post! I think what makes it entirely worth it is your lovely football diagram detailing each item.

Mmmmm. Strawberries.

bgilmore725 said...

Still, your fridge does look rather neat. If you invited me to eat at your house, I would accept <grin>. bea

monponsett said...

I was hoping for more prominently diisplayed Molson.

plittle said...

Molson sucks!
-Paul

gehi6 said...

That is the neatest fridge I have ever seen. What is wrong with you.  This must mean something.  I didn't do this assignment because my fridge is filled with some very strange little sacks and so on, due t my new diet.  Gerry