We live our lives under the communal delusion that our children are all little angels, and that those few trouble-makers we find are products of unfortuante upbringings, but I have seen through to the heart of this fallacy. Our children are natural born criminals.
The truth of this postulation lies in the evidence. Any time, anywhere, you see a child doing something wrong, you have simply to walk up behind them and utter the single word, "ahem." The fact that they immediately stop whatever they are doing, without so much as a second look proves that they are in full possession of the knowledge of right and wrong.
This never happens:
Innocent Child: lovingly polishes the ball of solid ice he or she has been packing together for the entire thirty minute recess period.
Responsible Adult: Steps up behind child and clears his or her throat.
Innocent Child: Looks up questioningly at Responsible Adult.
Responsible Adult: "What do you have there?"
Innocent Child: "An ice ball."
Responsible Adult: "What are you doing with it?"
Innocent Child: "Polishing it."
Responsible Adult: "Why?"
Innocent Child: "Because it's pretty."
Responsible Adult: "Give it to me."
Innocent Child: "Why?"
Responsible Adult: "So you don't throw it at anyone."
Innocent Child: Eyes widen in astonishment. "Throw it at someone?"
No. What happens is this:
Responsible Adult: "Ahem."
Innocent Child: Leaps immediately to his feet and thrusts iceball behind his back. "I wasn't doing anything."
Responsible Adult: "Give me the ice ball."
Innocent Child: "What ice ball?" discreetly drops ice ball in ground behind his back.
Our children don't have any problems discerning right from wrong. They know when it's wrong, and they do it anyway. They do it because it's wrong. They only stop doing it if you can convince them they cannot, ever, get away with it. That is why the current crop of kids are such trouble. Their parents have not been paying enough attention. I'm not talking about the poor children being neglected, and acting out in order to draw attention to themselves, that's hogwash. It's just that the little criminals aren't being caught often enough.
You need to be watching them every single moment of every single day. You need to make sure that every time they pick up an ice ball, you are there behind them saying, "ahem." You need to drill it into their heads that they are going to get caught every time. Every time.
It's not about punishment. Punishment just makes them resentful. Punishment makes the problem worse. It's about catching them. Every single time. For the good of society.
4 comments:
Yep, I've thought this for a long time... Kids no longer see the consequences of there actions like we did. Heck, when I was a kid it wasn't just your parents...but your parents, your teachers, your neighbors, your friends parents... man, everyone was out to see what you were up to, and catch you at it red-handed <LOL>.
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind
I really like your journal, and especially owe you thanks for introducing me to Christensen's art. He is truly gifted! I have a bit of a bone to pick with this particular entry, though. I don't understand the motivation behind your suggestion that every parent be 'watching [their child] every single moment.' The child won't develop his own gauge of right versus wrong, because he doesn't have to rely on the real world consequences of his behavior when he's got you back there sounding the alarm with every misstep. The eagle eye method seems fine if you want to raise Pavlovian children who need signals to stimulate reactions. This seems like the "Stepford Wives Guide to Insure the 'good of society!' My concern is for the child who doesn't ever experience WHY things may be 'good' or 'bad', and just has to go by your list. Our society creates laws to help us define broader boundaries, but each one of us must form our own landscape, our own version of life. Please don't paste your values on that beautiful child! Just let him know that there is a difference between 'getting away with something' and 'getting caught.' Don't you wish for him to be his most authentic self?
I don't mean to sound critical!
Interesting post. I am a teacher and some days I feel this way! LOL
However, I truly believe that children, all human beings in fact, are inherently good. It is how the guardians around them choose to teach them from right and wrong.
If a child learns to blame others for his mistakes, look around I bet there is someone else he is modeling that from.
If a child learns patience or perseverance,most likely he has seen an example of that from someone else. It isn't until later when a child establishes his own independence that he must come to the conclusion of which path to travel, right or wrong. Unfortunately the path isn't that clear cut in some cases so the more the parent can teach right from wrong, the easier it is to identify.
I agree with you that parents need to keep watch over their children, but not so much to catch them being bad, but to also praise them being good.
Adults also have to practice what they preach because kids will call you on it if you don't!
Great journal! Makes me think!!
Nip 'em in the bud.
You are so right!
My son goes quiet for more than ten minutes, I know I need to head on out to wherever he is, armed with my 'Ahem'!
Just found your journal, am off for more of a read...
Sara x
http://journals.aol.co.uk/sarajanesmiles/SarasDays
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