Weekend assignments

   Yes, I said Assignments, plural. I haven't participated in any weekend assignments in a while, although I really like the last two. So, I'll try here to make at least a cursory stab at this week's, as well as last week's, and the week before's. I have absolutely no idea if those apostrophes are in the right place.



Weekend Assignment #82: What was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

Extra Credit: As an adult , have you shared that favorite bedtime story with a child?

   I have always been a vociferous reader. Even before I could read for myself, I wanted the stories read to me over and over again. I can remember being at my grandparents' house and reading Little Golden Books, like The Poky Little Puppy, and The Little Red Hen. When I was about three, I amazed my grandparents by being able to read them out loud all by myself. It didn't matter which one of the books they put in my hand, I read the whole thing correctly, all the way through. They believed they had some kind of prodigy on their hands until my parents illuminated them. I had heard them all so many times that I had simply memorized them, and said the stories from memory as I turned the pages.
   Other favourites were the Dr. Seuss books, like Hop On Pop, and One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. Later fun was had with Green Eggs and Ham, and Fox In Socks. I used tohave a record (you know, those antique, black vinyl pancakes that music used to come on) of those two, and could at one time recite them from memory. That was a long time ago. These days I get all my ticks and clocks, sir, mixed up with my chicks and tocks, sir. Horton Hears a Who is one I remember from my childhood, as well as How The Grinch Stole Christmas, but the television special of that one was always way better than the book. I think my favourite was The Lorax.
   Did I introduce them to my son? You betcha. In a garage sale this past summer some of the most popular items were our stack of Little Golden Books, and Matthew still can be found reading The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins or Bartholomew and the Oobleck from time to time. He did graduate to older reading material fairly early, though. As an experiment, I read him The Hobbit as a bed time story over the course of several weeks when he was about six. I had to stop, because it scared him a little bit, but two years later he picked it up on his own and read it in one week. Last year he read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy all by himself. I didn't get through that until I was a young teen.



Weekend Assignment #81: Share one of your favorite science fiction movies. Note that this doesn't have to be the "best" science fiction film ever, or the most popular, or the most significant; it doesn't even have to be a good science fiction film. It just should be a science fiction film you enjoy watching over and over again -- the kind that always sucks you into the couch whenever it's on TV.

Extra Credit: Who is the coolest science fiction character ever? Note that this character doesn't have to be in the film you've selected asyourfavorite -- consider the entire genre.

   I'm a huge science fiction fan, and I've been looking for an excuse to participate in the meme that Jaquandor created out of Scalzi's Science Fiction Canon List. So, here it is. This is the list that John Scalzi called the 50 most significant science fiction films in history. I have emboldened the ones I have seen.

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension!
Akira
Alien
Aliens
Alphaville
Back to the Future
Blade Runner
Brazil
Bride of Frankenstein
Brother From Another Planet
A Clockwork Orange
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Contact
The Damned
Destination Moon
The Day The Earth Stood Still
Delicatessen
Escape From New York
ET: The Extraterrestrial
Flash Gordon: Space Soldiers (serial)
The Fly (1985 version)
Forbidden Planet
Ghost in the Shell
Gojira/Godzilla
The Incredibles
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956 version)
Jurassic Park
Mad Max 2/The Road Warrior
The Matrix
Metropolis
On the Beach
Planet of the Apes (1968 version)
Robocop
Sleeper
Solaris (1972 version)
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
The Stepford Wives
Superman
Terminator 2: Judgement Day
The Thing From Another World
Things to Come
Tron
12 Monkeys
28 Days Later
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
2001: A Space Odyssey
La Voyage Dans la Lune
War of the Worlds (1953 version)

   Twenty nine. Just over half. And that's just counting the ones I'm sure I've seen all of.There are at least six on the list that I know I have seen parts of, but I can't remember if I've seen them all the way through. Still, as a self professed science fiction fan, that's not really very good. Obviously, I have some work to do.
   Here are a few movies that did not make that list, but I think are interesting films (not that I think they should be on the list, I just liked them):

Silent Running
The Man Who Fell to Earth
Cocoon
Stargate
Waterworld (Honest, it wasn't that bad)
AI:Artificial Intelligence
Titan AE
Dune/Children of Dune (2000/2003 made for the SciFi Channel. Way better than the original theater film from 1985)
Minority Report

   And a few that are less serious, but I thought were a lot of fun:

Tank Girl
Predator
They Live (A really bad film, but redeemed by the completely over the top acting job by Roddy Piper)
Total Recall
Independence Day
The Fifth Element
Men In Black
Armageddon
Galaxy Quest
Pitch Black

   My favourite? I thought about this for a while. Should it be the cerebral Blade Runner, or 2001:A Space Odyssey, an intelligent film? No, even though it isn't a deep thinker, as one of the best skiffy romps of all time, as well as a movie that redefined science fiction movie making, I have to go with Star Wars. I was twelve when it came out, and I still remember the awestruck feeling I had watching that Imperial Cruiser lumber overhead, like nothing I had ever seen before. My favourite-no, wait-it says the coolest science fiction character ever? Tank Girl. No contest.

Weekend Assignment #80: Share a favorite joke. Keep it clean, of course. Otherwise, go nuts.

Extra credit: Seriously: Do people think you're funny?

   I don't tell a lot of jokes. I hear a lot of really good ones, but I can never remember them when an opportunity to share them comes along. There are three jokes that do stick in my mind. One of them I can't tell on this forum due to its content. The second is one in which the politician of the day can easily be substituted. I first heard it with Jean Chretien's name used, but he has since retired. I will use someone more topical.

   George W. Bush was sitting comfortably in the back of his limousine as the Presidential motorcade made its way through a tour of ruralTennesee. Somehow, due to bridge construction, and a series of confusing detours, the President's car had gotten separated from the secret service vehicles accompanying it. The driver, in a high state of anxiety, as you might imagine, was craning his neck right and left, looking for a way back to the main road, and the rest of the convoy. He never saw the hog.
   It was a formidable collision that left the large porcine beast dead, and the presidential limousine completely immobile. Having a total fit by now, the limo driver was frantically punching at his cell phone, trying to reach someone in one of the other cars, but to no avail.
   "Relax," his employer told him. "It's not a big deal. First things first, we need to locate the owner of the farm animal we have just killed, and explain what happened, and offer to pay for the damages." So the driver, after making Mr. Bush promise to lock the doors behind him, and stay in the car, went up the hill to the little shack they could see tucked in the trees.
   He was gone for almost two hours. When he finally returned, he had a cigar in his mouth, whiskey on his breath, and lipstick on his collar. "What the hell happened," demanded the President. The somewhat chagrinned driver explained that the family in the shack had pulled him in through the door, fed him, shared a bottle of whiskey with him, let him sleep with their gorgeous 18 year old daughter, and sent him out the door with a pocket full of cigars. Incredulous, the president asked, "what the hell did you say to them?"
   "Well," the man said, "all I said was, 'I am George Bush's limo driver, and I have just killed the pig.'"

   The next joke is one with a distinctively Canadian flavour. Although, like most jokes, you could insert the protaganists of your choice, telling this one with a authentic Newfie accent adds great punch to the punch line.

   Two Newfies working in Ontario decided to take up the sport of hunting. After going through the process, and the waiting period, they purchased rifles, and headed up to the north country. They parked their pick up truck on the side of the road, and hiked off into the bush. After several days of near misses, they finally bagged a nice buck. Of course, they were at a bit of a loss as to what to do next. After a short discussion, they each grabbed a leg, and started dragging the animal back in the direction of their pick up.
   It was very slowgoing. The deerkept getting hung up on stumps, and in thick brush. Sweating, and aching, they stopped to rest, and sat wearily down on a fallen log. Suddenly, an old man appeared in front of them. He appeared to be of native descent, and he watched them intently. Finally, he spoke: "you know you are going about that the wrong way?" he asked. "You are dragging the animal against the grain of its pelt, making you work far too hard. You should take the deer by the antlers, and drag it head first. Not only will it slide easier, but the legs will drag behind it, and be less likely to catch on obstructions."
   The two thanked the man for his advice, and he silently melted back into the forest. Rested up, they stood, and each took a firm grip on one of the buck's antlers. After about a half an hour of pulling the animal through the woods, the first Newfie spoke up. "Lard Tunderin', By, but dat ol' Indian feller sure knew what he were talking aboot," he said. "Dis here's much easier'n it were before."
   "Yeah," said his buddy, "but we're gettin' furder away from da truck!"

   Seriously, nobody thinks I'm funny.

tags:Memes, Weekend Assignment, Books, Movies, Humour