Cowboy poet

Apparently, I'm a Cowboy poet. Who knew?

Auntie Road Rage

  This week I have been involved in the Toronto Curling Association Energizer Men's Bonspiel. It is the largest curling Bonspiel in Ontario, with over 300 participating teams, and involves curling at several different clubs around the suburban GTA (Greater Toronto Area) over the course of several nights. So, I have been spending a lot of time driving, or being a passenger, in a variety of conditions. We had freezing rain, fog, rain, snow; the whole gamut of Southern Ontario winter weather. Which brings me to my selection of my biggest pet peeve in my previous entry: bad drivers. We saw just about everything; from people so over cautious they slowed down to dangerously slow speeds just because of a little rain, to people so foolhardy they passed us going twenty klicks over the speed limit in fog so thick we could barely make out the edges of the road. But the worst, worst, worst drivers on the road may, in fact, be among the best in their car handling skills. They are the aggressive drivers.
  Everybody has seen them. They are the ones who pull out of a side street in front of you without sufficient space, making you have to brake hard to avoid them. They are the ones who weave in and out of traffic trying to get a few car lengths ahead. They are the ones who pull out and drive up the right shoulder in a traffic jam, then force their way back in without being given the space. Sure, they handle their vehicles well, but they lack even the most basic level of consideration for the other people on the road.
  Put two of them together, and you have the recipe for road rage. Mr Even-though-traffic-is-going-nowhere-I-need-to-be-six-cars-ahead runs up the shoulder and tries to butt back in. Mr Oh-no-you-don't-pull-that-crap-on-me tries not to let him in by tailgating the car in front of him. They each inch forward, little bit by little bit, waiting for the other to blink. Eventually, one of them "wins," which usually then leads to a game of pass-and-cut-off for a few kilometres until they both pull over and the inevitable fist fight at the side of the road breaks out.
  The worst part of all that is the effect it has on other drivers. Ever been trying to pass another car, and as you pull up alongside, the other driver unconsciously speeds up? It happens with aggressive driving too. As we make our way to or from work, or the mall, or soccer practice, we tend to put our driving on autopilot. When that happens, we subconsciously absorb behaviours from the drivers around us. Like speeding up when a faster car tries to pass. We do not mean to do it, but it happens anyway. As the aggressive drivers swarm around us, we also tend to behave more aggressively. We go faster. We change lanes with less available space. We try to make the merging traffic get in behind us instead of in front. This, in turn, leads to those driver behaving aggressively as well. It is a vicious cycle that perpetuates itself readily if left unchecked.
  Have you ever heard the expression, "if you are not a part of the solution, you are a part of the problem?" What that means is that unless you are actively working to improve the situation, you are causing the situation to worsen. Even if you are doing nothing. Apathy is as bad as destructive behaviour. It is possible to reduce the amount of road rage on our streets and highways. It is possible to turn the vicious cycle around; to make it a "virtuous cycle."  But, it requires action from you. It requires you to pay attention to your own driving habits; to prevent yourself from going into that autopilot mode; to make sure you do not reciprocate in kind when faced with aggressive driving habits.
  Buddy wants to butt in front of you? Let him go. In fact, leave extra space between you and the car ahead to encourage him to move over earlier. Car behind you wants to go faster? Move over and let him go. So what if you are already doing 20k over the limit. Not sure who got to the stop sign first? Let him go. What's the extra eight seconds going to cost you anyway?
   If we do our best to be considerate of the other people on the road, even those who are not being considerate of us, especially those who are not being considerate of us, maybe we can influence them. Maybe their autopilot state will pick up on that and they will leave room for the next guy to get in front of them.
  "It'll never work." I can hear you say it. Consider it this way: maybe it will affect other drivers around you, and maybe it won't, but it will reduce your stress. It will result in you getting where you were going in a relaxed state of mind. I'm sure your wife/husband/children will appreciate that. And, anyway, if you are not a part of the solution, you are a partof the problem.

  That curling thing? I lost in the semi-finals Saturday morning.

Another one of those Bloggers' quizzes

I got this from Jay, who got it from Ray. Where did Ray get it? I'm thinking from Kay, or Fay, but I really don't know.

1-WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING AT THE MOMENT?
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency by Douglas Adams (for Jay nudge nudge wink wink know what I mean?).

2-WHAT IS PRINTED ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?
Optical mouse=no mouse pad. :D

3-WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Bored game? 'nuff said. Recently, we've been playing a lot of Mancala.

4-WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
Golf Digest.

5-WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SOUND?
Hard not to go with Jay's pick here: her kids giggling. No, wait! My kid giggling.

6-WHAT'S THE WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Inadequacy.

7-WHAT'S THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF IN THE MORNING?
I generally try not to start thinking until lunch time.

8-HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU PICK UP THE PHONE?
If I don't get to it by three the answering machine picks up.

9-WHAT WOULD YOU NAME YOUR FUTURE CHILD AND/OR DOG?
Unfortunately, Matt won't be getting any brothers or sisters. With a cat and a dog already, there won't be new one of those any time soon either.

10-WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE?
Family.

11-WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE FOODS?
Been partial to Thai recently. Also, Italian, of course. But we don't eat Italian in restaurants. I mean real Italian. I could probably turn that into a crude joke, but I'll stop right now.

12-DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST?
Not usually. One of my buddies I carpool with occasionally thinks I drive like an old lady. My old lady friends don't agree.

13-DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
No. Who wrote these questions, anyway?

14-WOULD YOU CLASS STORMS AS COOL OR SCARY?
Depends on the storm. Some are downright annoying. A big thunderstorm with lots of lightning used to be really cool, until it hit my house. I don't love the smell of sizzling wiring in the morning.

15-WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
1980 Mazda GLC Sport. Mine didn't have the fog lights or all the stickers, but it pretty much looked like that.

16-WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
A good single malt scotch.

17-DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OFF BROCCOLI?
Yes. Sometimes. No, not really.

18-IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Blonde like Slim Shady. That's a joke. I'm a guy. Guys who dye their hair scare me.

19-IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?
If the glass is half empty, it's time to top it up.

20-WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?
The Lord Of The Rings (I know, that's three movies. I like to think of them as one. One long 12 hour movie. Take my advice. Don't get the large drink).

21-DO YOU TYPE WITH THE CORRECT FINGERS ON THE CORRECT KEYS?
How would I know? I guess that means no.

22-WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Monsters.

23-WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? 
I watch a lot of sports, but none with a real passion.

24-SAY AT LEAST ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:
She's English. I generally consider that a good thing. Also, she likes to help people.

25-WHO HAVE YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Send not. Journal post in. </Yoda>

26-WHO HAVE YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
See above.

27-DO YOU PREFER HORROR MOVIES OR COMEDY FILMS?
Comedy. Although, some of the comedy films that come out are rather horrific.

28-WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE TIME OF DAY?
Midnight.

29-WHAT'S YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?
Bad drivers.

30-IS THERE ANYONE YOU HAVEN'T FORGIVEN?
No.

31-WHAT TYPE OF MILK DO YOU DRINK?
2%. Why?

32-DO YOU MAKE YOUR BED IN THE MORNING?
No. I occasionally get around to that by late afternoon.

33-HOW MANY TVs ARE IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD?
2. The one in Matt's room is not hooked up for TV watching, only game playing.

34-WHO PUTS THE GARBAGE OUT?
Usually me. Sometimes my wife.

What did you have for lunch today?

  Why is it women are continually complaining that they have trouble losing weight? I'd bet that ninety per cent of those complainers cannot even tell you what they ate over the last twenty-four hours. No concept of exactly what they put into their own mouths.
  I was at the mall today (don't ask, it wasn't my idea) and while I was there I sat down in the food court to have some lunch. As I was stuffing my face full of bad sesame chicken and noodles, I paid attention to what the young ladies were ordering for their own lunches.
  There was a Cultures there, so if they wanted, they could have ordered organic bean sprout salads, or chopped tofu vinaigrette on low fat croissants. Instead, the vast majority of the women were visiting the other restaurants in the food court. What goes through their heads?
  Lets see... how about New York Fries? Could I have a poutine please? Yes, thank you, take a large serving of pure starch sticks and cook them by immersing them in pure, boiling vegetable fat. Then, throw a double handful of salt over them, top them with chunks of milk fat, and pour a mixture of boiling beef fat and flour over them.
  No, wait, I feel like something else. How about some chicken. Yes, but could you coat it with a batter that's nine-tenths sugar and salt, and boil it in oil. Thanks. I'm not really hungry, maybe I'll just eat the skin. You know, the part with the batter attached. And the fat.
  You know what? I feel like pizza. How about that? A loaf of flat bread topped with milk fat, and sliced pork fat based sausage, and a little bit of tomato sauce for flavour. Hey, you can turn that into a panzerotti, can't you? Just fold it over, pinch the edges together, and throw it in the deep fryer for me, will you?
  Oh, and a diet Coke, please.
  Hey girls, you know that liposuction your Mom just had? That was twenty years of french fries she just had removed from her hips. Think about it.

No longer in the running

  I'm about to join Dornbrau in the beyond all hope of ever being a featured AOL journal category.

  Man did I have foul smelling farts today. I mean rank, old people foul smelling farts. Like old people confined to their hospital beds foul smelling farts. My house smelled like the chronic care ward at old St. Elizabeth Hospital downtown. My dog kept giving me dirty looks. I kept having to get up and move.
  On another topic, I had to drive all the way downtown to St. Michael's Hospital today to deliver a two and a half liter plastic jug of urine to the core lab there. I cannot believe how much urine my wife can create in one twenty-four hour period.

  We now return you to your regularly scheduled non-gross-out journalling. Maybe this entry will slip off the main page before the AOL journals editors look here again.

Weekend assignment #42 (and 44)

  John Scalzi, newly published science fiction novelist, AOL blogger extraordinaire, and weekend assignment, um, assigner, gives us Weekend Assignment #42: Share your favorite story of Winter cold -- preferably (but not necessarily) involving something freezing inconveniently and humorously.

Extra credit: Name a song that reminds you of winter that's not Christmas-themed.

  Now, if you have been keeping track, you will know I have not completed assignments #39 through #41. I would like to say that the holiday season kept me too busy, but the truth is, I have gone through a period of reduced creativity recently. Connected to the holidays? No idea. Hopefully, I'm back. And here is my winter story:

  It was early February.  Must have been the first week of the month. My fiancee (now my wife) informed me that we were having dinner at my parents' house that Saturday evening. "Fine with me," I said.
  Early Saturday the snow started falling. As the day leaned into early afternoon, and the snow continued to pile up, my wife (then fiancee) became increasingly agitated. When the streetlights started coming on at about 4:00pm she almost started moaning in desperation, but she would not tell me what was wrong.
  The snow had reached the axles of the cars trying to plow their way down the street. The phone had rung, with whispered, secretive conversations ensuing, several times. Finally, Pat (she of the wife/fiancee nomenclature) came to me, head hung down and apologised.
  I remember being confused. I had no idea what she was apologising for. Just then the doorbell rang. My good friend Hans was at the door with a brightly wrapped package in his arm. "Happy Birthday," he sang out in his ebullient manner. Crowding in through the door behind Hans was another friend, Graham, and his fiancee, Christina. I believe at that moment you could have driven a rather large truck into the mouth of my wife, or either of my parents. After they had ratcheted their jaws back up off the floor, my wife explained to me that she had planned a surprise birthday party for methat day, but the snowstorm had thrown a great, freezing wrench into her plans. She did not expect anyone to show up.
  In the end, almost half of the invited guests managed to come, despite the weather. What my wife envisioned as a huge disaster turned out to be an OK party. We are still not sure how any of them actually managed to get there.

  Extra credit: Niagara Falls band Honeymoon Suite's first single, 1983s New Girl Now, started with the line, "hot summer night, storm clouds fill the air." Greater Toronto Area residents who listened to Q107 radio at the time might remember that Honeymoon Suite got their start by winning the annual 'Homegrown' band contest hosted by the station. The song New Girl Now, as originally submitted to the contest, began, "cold winter's night, storm clouds fill the air." When the band's first album came out, the studio had them change the line to coincide with the time of year it was being released. Not sure why, but when John asked for a song that reminds me of winter, that's the first thing that popped into my head.

You might be a Canadian if...

...You own more winter jackets than bathing suits.

...Even though you scoff at the American stereotype that all Canadians live in igloos, you do know how to build one.

...A snowstorm has never prevented you getting to work on time.

...You understand that basketball is just hockey played by wussies.

...Even though you only watch NFL football, you still complain about the four downs and fair catch rules.

...When someone talks about curling, your hair is the second thing you think about.

...You got the Stan Mikita's Donuts joke in Wayne's World.

...You don't snicker when someone uses the words 'diplomatic solution.'

...You actually believe Canada won the War of 1812.

...Your copy of the first Harry Potter book is called The Philosopher's Stone

Oh my freaking gourd!

  Accordion Guy, Joey DeVilla, offers us this little tidbit: it seems that Greg cannot get Laura to return his calls. Can anyone guess why?

Remember that Joey is also a part of my ongoing Internet Invocation experiment.

Not cowboy poetry

I've decided to put up some of my older poetry. Stuff I wrote when I was in high school and university. Mostly university. I did not want to clutter up this journal with it, so I started a new one: Not cowboy poetry.I'll understand if you don't want to go there.

 

 

 

(no I won't)

The best of AWV, 2004

Kelly (among many others, I'm sure) has posted a list of his favourite blog entries over the past year. I haven't even been doing this for a year yet, but I thought I'd do the same. Here, for your amusement, are the Top Ten Aurora Walking Vacation Journal Entries Of 2004.

Number 10: from Sunday 12 December; Weekend Assignment #38. I'm kinda partial to old Beauregard the Christmas Beetle.

Number 9: from Friday 15 October; Weekend Assignment #29. There's no writing here, but this entry got more comments than any other in my journal. Go figure.

Number 8: from Thursday 25 November; The writing is on the car. Another entry that isn't about writing at all. The Awwww factor is the thing here.

Number 7: from Tuesday 14 September and Thursday 16 September; The Law Of Internet Invocation, and Invocation revisited. It may be just a cheap device to squeeze an extra entry in, but these two pretty much go together.

Number 6: from Monday 20 September; Two things. Sensible advice for a modern age, and a sad little family story.

Number 5: from Friday 1 October; The internet and you... and me. More talk about masks.

Number 4: fromThursday 2 September; Critical thinking, or lack thereof. Sometimes people believe strange things.

Number 3: from Wednesday 20 October; What should I write about? An age old question.

Number 2: from Thursday 7 October; My favourite month. This was supposed to be a weekend assignment.

And the number 1 Aurora Walking Vacation Journal Entry for the year 2004: from Monday 6 September; Thoughts of the future. Well, it's my favourite, anyway.