Telemarketing folly

  I must say, I love the new phone system most telemarketing firms are using now. In order to maximize the productivity of their operators, these parasitic companies have implemented a very sophisticated computerized connection system. A computer automatically dials telephone numbers, and listens for the phone to be picked up. If it gets no answer, or hears a busy signal, it moves on to the next number. If the phone is answered, it momentarily places the call on hold while it transfers to a live, blood sucking, almost human person. That process takes at least two seconds. Sometimes longer. They are allowed by law for that pause to last as long as ten seconds, but two seconds is plenty of time for my purposes. Most calls go like this:

telephone: ring ring
me: hello?
telemarketing company: two seconds of silence
me: click

  It's almost poetry. I don't have to listen to any lies, like we're calling because someone in your household completed a survey, or we're working in your area currently and can offer you savings. Just an instant of silence, and it's over. I get a wonderful feeling hanging up on telemarketers normally. Imagine how I feel hanging up on them before they even say a word. It's delightful, it's delovely, it's dewonderful. It defreakin' rocks! Sure, I might occasionally hang up on a friend who was momentarily distracted just as I answered the phone, but they'll call back. I'll explain what happened and we'll both get a chuckle out of it. There's just too much upside to worry about that.
  Like all good things, however, it will come to an end. As more and more people catch on, and start hanging up immediately when their 'hello' is not instantly returned, the telemarketers will have to try something new. But until they do, I'm enjoying not having to actually hear their annoying voices. It's making my days much, much brighter.