Weekend assignment #45

  It is that time again. It is the weekend, when all good AOL bloggers scurry over to The Blogfather's to participate in The Weekend Assignment.


Weekend Assignment #45: It's karaoke time. Pick a song to sing and explain why you chose it. Note that not everyone sings the song you expect them to sing: I remember being at a karaoke bar one time and watching a six-foot bald guy with a gravelly voice and a tattoo on his neck sing Olivia Newton John's "Have You Never Been Mellow?" And it was brilliant. So by all means, reach for the stars here. This isn't American Idol.


  Ok. Pick a song, any song, any song at all. It doesn't really matter which song you pick. It can be anything. Think of the most difficult song there is to sing. The most challenging aria for human vocal chords. How about Bohemian Rhapsody? All parts. With multi-voice harmonies. No problem. Something from the three tenors, you say? Absolutely. Something that requires Australian Aboriginal circular breathing? Come on, you're not even trying.
  You see, it doesn't matter which song you choose. I can turn them all down with the same level of quiet determination. "No," is the easiest word in the English language to say, and when it comes to singing, I've pretty much got saying "No" mastered.
  It's not that I don't like singing. I love music. I love the idea of singing. I decline, in deference to those around me, because they, absolutely, positively, do not want to hear me singing. More on that in the extra credit section...


Extra Credit: Recall the worst karaoke performance you ever heard (or, if you're brave, ever performed). You can change the names to protect the guilty if you like.


  The potential worst Karaoke performance ever, in the history of the universe, has not happened, and will never happen. I refuse to inflict that kind of punishment on this reality. I mean, it would be like two identical particles of matter and anti-matter coming together on Star Trek: the end of life as we know it.
  John talks about choosing a specific song because it falls within his vocal range. With me, when it comes to singing, my vocal range is keeping my damn mouth shut. When I sing in the shower, the water stops coming out. When I sing in the car, the radio turns itself off. And we all know that I've never serenaded my wife, because, well, because I still have a wife. I have a really, really bad voice. Just one of those unfortunate realities I've learned to live with. You know, along with the huge- Nevermind.